Avoidant Paruresis - overcome your shame

Posted by Fatimah Imah Sabtu, 28 Mei 2011 0 comments
Avoidant Paruresis - overcome your shame The only statement I can make with certainty about your bashful bladder is that it is shame-based. I don't know the specific source of this shame and you probably don't either, but shame's crippling nature is much the same for all of us--for me and for you.

1) Shame-based behaviors thrive on silence. If you want to overcome your bashful bladder, You need to go public about your inhibition--both in what you say and what you do. That doesn't mean you have to announce it (or do it) from the rooftops. Go public with your best man friend first. (The woman of your life is another person you need to "out" yourself with if you haven't already done so, but generally men do not relieve themselves in the presence of women so there is no need to "out" yourself to other female acquaintances.) Speak to your friend about your avoidant paruresis. Then ask him to witness you urinating.

To overcome your shame, commit yourself to urinating in front of male friends and acquaintances whenever appropriate--every occasion it is appropriate! The first time you ask anyone to witness you will be the most difficult time. Do so as soon as possible! Get it over with! Then keep asking.

2) Like all behaviors, urinating in front of others will become easier the more you do it. That's the strength of exposure work. If you want to become more comfortable urinating in public rest rooms and overcome your bashful bladder, you are going to need to practice "going" in the presence of other men. That is where witnessing comes in.Urinating with a man you have asked to witness you is both easier and more difficult than doing so with a stranger. It is easier because you can select men who will not judge you and so you can eliminate--or at least mitigate--any consequent feeling of failure. If it takes you ten minutes or more to relax, that's fine. Your man will not shake his head or judge you or walk away.It is harder because you're doing something without any "protection." No anonymity, no little wall between you and someone's stare. It's all out there. It's going "all the way," and other experiences of public urination may then seem less challenging or threatening--and that's what you want.

3) This witnessing will speed up the process of modifying your behavior--and thus of overcoming avoidant paruresis. Many times when you walk into a men's room, you are alone in the space and therefore cannot practice acquiring new behaviors. That slows progress. Every time you ask someone to witness you, you will be assured someone is there and you will be unlearning an old behavior and practicing a new one.If you habitually pass up opportunities to urinate in the presence of others (male friends and acquaintances), ask yourself why are you foregoing the chance to develop new behavior. Why are you holding on to shame? In answering this, don't be too easy on yourself. There are years of fear weighing against change. It is likely your answer will be a justification rather than a valid reason.

4) Behavior modification calls for tireless activity. Commit yourself to urinating--whenever appropriate--only in the presence of other men--strangers in a rest room or pee buddies. It's what you need to do if you are going to modify your behavior. Thinking about change in you behavior, hoping for change, will not effect change. Only making a modification in your behavior will create a change in your behavior. With every succeeding effort, the asking will be easier (and the doing, too).Good Luck!

By David Soucy | ezinearticles.com


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